The Epistle of Amber, a translation submitted

[Ed.: E. W. Ruddybottom-Jones, a graduate working no doubt assiduously towards completion of his DPhil dissertaion at the University of Blackpool, has offerred the following translation of the section of Amber's Epistle as released by The Secret Priory. The numerical referencing and commentary, such as it is, is also Mr Ruddybottom-Jones's.]


Amber's Letter to Mary Magdalene, trans. E. W. Ruddybottom-Jones, MStud, MA, ABD DPhil (Atrum.)


1 Amber, the first wife of the Jesus Christ through wishingness of god to those being with Magdalene Maria, but not to Magdalene Maria herself; 2 favor to the lot of you, but not to Magdalene Maria herself, and a peace away from god of father of us and of lord Jesus Christ. 3 Within before years in which we were walking against/towards the same road in Ierysalēm. 4 ¿Indeed now those things escaped your notice, o holy things? I am mindful of them and of you. 5 Many men were walking away with you, but you were walking backwards alone, and I. 6 We were non-hetairai prostitutes as most beautiful as possible in Ierysalēm. 7 On that day whenever Jesus saw me having stood towards the entrance of city and said, 8 'O blossom of land of Iuda, follow to me into desert for the duration of forty nights'. 9 But you threw with your tiara me having marched with him. 10 I was ululating thoroughly, 'O Magdalene Maria, you too, bitch!'. 11 Many tears for me; and a womanly woman to tears. 12 Within two years in with I learned that you to bear two daughters calling Sara and Trixi. 13 Whenever you were following to the Jesus towards Golgotha, I took them in exchange for others. 14 In every way for them there is necessity to die since there is need, I shall kill those she bore. 15 In every way these things have been done and will not be fleeing out. 16 Since I [etc.


Commentary
1 This opening is not unlike indroductory passages to other epistles by holy people. Amber identifies herself as the woman of Jesus. How could we have all been so wrong for so long?

2 NB: the second exclusion of Magdalene Maria. Could there be hostility between Amber and Magdalene Maria?

3 The toponym 'Ierysalēm' is elsewhere unattested. The hapax legomenon gives this letter an air of mystery.

4 The direct address to 'holy things' is awkward. Perhaps it is derisive, evidence of Amber's deep hatred.

5 These women had the supernatural ability to walk backwards. This is evidence of the prevalence of witchcraft.

6 How could non-hetairai prostitutes know how to write Greek?

8 'Iuda' also is unattested. Perhaps the speaker is Welsh, indicating in the Queen's English 'You, there'. 'Forty nights' is just a literary device meaning 'infinity nights'.

9 Magdalene Maria had a tiara, indicating how sucessful and prosperous she was as a non-hetaira prostitute.

10 Ululation is a common expression of mourning or outcry in the Levant and and much of the Near East, according to the BBC World Service. The use of 'bitch' here may be better understood as 'stupid cow'.

11 Amber was a womanly woman. This is important to understand. She is not what she is, but simply she is. This is her voice.

12 Sara is the alleged daughter of Mary Magdalene born in France. (If Sara were a clever girl, she would move to Switzerland for better taxes.) If Amber kidnapped Sara andd swapped her for another girl, then this renders the whole assumption, the whole secret of the Priory of Scion utter rubbish. Trixi is not mentioned in any other text. She may have reached Picadilly, where many there are hundreds of non-hetairai women so named.

13 There is a problem with the Greek that is best ignored.

14 There is another problem with the Greek here that also is best ignored.

15 Our English cannot render this any better.